Water broke

I was still waiting for my appointment with the specialist and on 9/17, something changed. I felt sick all day, I skipped church and stayed home. I was just not feeling well. That night Caleb and I were laying in bed and I sat up with bad cramping. I stood up and there was blood everywhere, down to the floor, through my clothes. I went to the bathroom and it just poured out of me. Every time I tried to go back to bed, I leaked through my clothes. Caleb got towels, and eventually a bucket, there was so much blood. I called the nurse again and she said to go straight to the hospital. So once again, I called Rhoda and she met me there. This time I was 19 weeks pregnant and they called labor and delivery who got me right in for an ultrasound. After that test, they transferred me to labor and delivery where I met an actual OBGYN who read my ultrasound and said that my amniotic fluid was really low. He had me do a test and sure enough, they found that I was leaking fluid and my water broke. They suspect that the hematoma ripped it because it was so big and in the way of everything. They put me in a delivery room and told me I needed to deliver the baby. The baby can't survive without fluid, the likelihood of regaining fluid after this much loss was unlikely. I told them I couldn't make that decision without talking to Caleb. They also said they would double check with the specialist in Portland who had not seen me yet, but had reviewed my case. So I needed to stay the night and wait until after 8 am. The doctors last words to me were "I'm not optimistic, I am sorry. You shouldn't be either". The nurse who came in to the room had a sad frowning face and kept telling me how sorry she was. She spoke to me as if the baby was already dead. It was a very surreal moment and I was trying to take it all in.


Caleb and I both agreed that we couldn't terminate the pregnancy. The baby had zero likelihood of surviving at 19 weeks. I just had an ultrasound hours before that showed he was still alive, so how could I force him out? I didn't want to make the decision. If he couldn't survive, he wouldn't, and I would deal with that when it happens. But for now, he was alive, and I was not in labor.


There was a doctor shift change at the hospital after 8 am, so I had a new doctor who came in. I recognized him because he delivered Calvin. He also is LDS. I told him how I felt, and he said he would not make me deliver. He said he will talk to the specialist and get back to me. After he consulted the specialist, he said he would let me go home. He said that I was at very high risk of infection, sepsis, and miscarriage. There was a good chance I would deliver the baby in the next day or two, and likely at home, but I could go home.


I got instructions from my nurse, and a take home bag with supplies in it to catch the baby after he was born. They told me it would feel like I needed to use the bathroom. Just hold the baby against my stomach, don't try and deliver the placenta, and call 911. They said the infection risk is very high so call for transport immediately. They said it would take 1-2 days before the baby would likely either be born or pass. I grabbed my home delivery kit as my girlfriend Britni showed up to give me a ride home. I think she was in just as much shock as me having to hear all of that. But I was glad that I didn't have to hear it alone. Off to home I go, just waiting.