Jul 12, 2017

Healthy baby boy

We had our third ultrasound and this little boy is healthy and happy. He's growing like mad and is even sucking his thumb. It was so cute. What a huge relief. I also had the great blessing of morning sickness. I was so worried that I wasn't sick, and this last week that all changed. I've been sick as a dog in the afternoon and at night. It's not a good thing, but it is very reassuring. We are so blessed and starting to tell people now.

When I came home from the ultrasound I showed all three kids the pictures. They loved it. They are all very excited. Shelby is dying to know if it's a boy or a girl, but I didn't tell her yet. She wants a sister so bad that we didn't have the heart to tell her yet. When I was pregnant with Ronin we took both Calvin and Shelby into the ultrasound when they announced we were pregnant with a boy and Shelby broke down crying for hours. So this time I have to warm her up first.

Jul 6, 2017

Road trip to Utah

We went to Utah for our nephew Kasen's baptism in Logan. We got to see lots of family and stayed outside almost every day. It was 98 degrees most of the time, but it did cool down at night. It was so bloody hot! Luckily Jenny and Kurt have a pond in their backyard and the kids got to take the canoe out and go swimming to cool down. We also went to a really cool water park one day too.

Jun 26, 2017

Positive results

I had my first blood draw one week after the implantation and it was a positive test! That means the implantation stuck and we are officially pregnant. Two days later we did another blood draw to be sure the HCG levels were climbing, and they were!

Three weeks after that we got an ultrasound and saw the baby boys heartbeat. What an amazing thing to see and hear! The heart sounds great, he's growing as he should, and it all looks good. I am about seven weeks pregnant which is still the scary zone. I usually don't announce anything until 14 weeks if possible. 

I still get daily shots, sometimes twice a day. They continue to monitor my hormone levels. I also get this awesome enima that I get to use three times a day. I had no idea how messy and interesting that would be! I have to wear panty liners every day, all day. I went to the pool the other day with the kids and wore my swimsuit. I got home and noticed the liner wasn't in my swimsuit. I died! I talked to a bunch of people I know, walked around, and was feeling pretty good. I was wondering if anybody saw it fall out and just didn't tell me to save me from embarrassment. I went to take the garbage out later and found it in the garage. Whew! That was nearly disastrous. 

The joys of motherhood. You never know when you're going to pee yourself, or drop a pad on the floor! Reminds me of when my nursing pads used to fly out unexpectedly or milk would leak through my shirts. Just warming up here for more embarrassment! 

May 29, 2017

Transfer and implantation

On Thursday May 25 we had the transfer of the embryo. I have been a nervous wreck and hardly able to sleep for the last week. Caleb keeps saying very positive things about how excited he is. And I am very excited too. It's crazy to think that I could be pregnant right now. But I also have a lot of emotions on what will happen if it didn't take. The chances are better than 50/50, so that's good. And I want to be positive! So I keep acting like "unikitty" on the Lego movie, "stay positive, stay positive".

My darling sister went with me to the transfer. That morning I woke up early, cleaned the entire house like a crazy person, and then we headed to Portland. They gave me a valium which made me crazy tired. They did the fake transfer, it worked, and then the real transfer. The embryo thawed appropriately, which means it lived, and that was also something that I was super worried about. Not all of them make it through thawing but ours did!

I had to drink one liter of water 45 minutes before the transfer and not go to the bathroom. They did an ultrasound and I was too full. So they said to go pee one cup. And then stop. I've never done that before but it was so hard to stop! Holy smokes. Then after the transfer I had to lay down for 45 minutes and still not use the bathroom. When I could finally go, I thought I would burst!

After the bathroom, I had to lay down flat for two days. No standing, no sitting up, laying down as flat as I could for two days. The only time I could sit up was to use the bathroom. Rhoda came and stayed by my side. She made me lunch, fed my kids, talked to me, watched tv, whatever was needed. She's be sister in the world! Caleb was super busy with work and projects and funny enough, he didn't actually have to be there for this inception! As much as I love Caleb, sometimes I just want my sister around. And she was perfect.

Now I wait for one week and go in for blood work and we see if the embryo was able to implant where it was supposed to. I have to take it easy for this week, no exercise or anything too stressful to make sure it implants in the correct spot.

Lots of prayers and thoughts going through my head right now. For now we wait. Pass the time how we can. And just wait to see what happens.

Apr 17, 2017

And then there was one

I got a call today from the embryologist and only one of our embryos has cleared testing. One beautiful little boy who has all the DNA we need. One perfect little embryo who has made it through thick and thin and did everything he was supposed to. I am happy that it's more than zero.

And yet, I was really hoping for more than one. I think I pictured this difficult decision one day where I would have to chose the gender and ask myself hard questions like "how many do I implant?". When the doctor called I just cried. To go from 20 eggs to 12 to 6 to 3 to 1. Just doesn't seem like the odds are in our favor. I called Caleb right away and he is always trying to cheer me up. "Babe, one is better than zero. At least we have one! It's going to be ok". I know he's trying to cheer me up. But I worry about our odds since I've had a few miscarriages and difficulties in the past. I just hate the pressure of just one shot to get it right. And the doctor isn't sure how soon we can proceed because my blood count is still too low. I am still very anemic. They test me every week and I barely changed at all in one weeks time. I take these nasty iron pills, prenatal pills, I'm still basically on bed rest, and my blood count barely moved. Is this depressing or what? Sorry, I'm just in a sad place right now. But I'm not ungrateful and I do understand that we have on embryo and it could have been zero. I totally understand that. And I will be happy and excited and do everything I can to get ready for the big implantation time. But today I was just sad. Relieved it wasn't zero, but also sad that it's down to one. Praying and hoping that when the time comes, this little baby sticks! Literally.

Apr 6, 2017

New dental chairs and cabinet

This is the most exciting transformation yet. I mean, seriously, this before and after....crazy!!!

Most comfortable dental chair ever!

New cabinet and floors

Caleb needed stitching that reminded him of motorcycles

Old versus new doctors chair
Old cabinet

Old dental chairs

Side by side comparison of old versus new

Day 5 results

I'm still home recovering from surgery. The embryologist called today and only 3 of the eggs have made it to day 5. They are sending them for DNA testing. I got off the phone right away and just cried, and cried. And text my sister. And called Caleb. And then cried. And then I found some really sad movies to watch that made me cry harder.

Then my doctor called me:

They also said that I can't have any implantation or plans to implant until my blood count is back up. Obviously babies need blood, and I don't have enough. Here's what he said:

My hemoglobin should be at minimum 12, preferably higher. It's currently 8.
My hematocrit should be at minimum 35, preferably in the 40s. It's currently at 23.

Then he gives me permission to eat LIVER. GROSS! And steak, and spinach. I've been eating chicken broth, and chocolate. Probably not the diet he was hoping for.

We were initially going to try and implant in May, but he doesn't think that will happen. And we don't even know the DNA results for two more weeks. We may not end up with anything viable. And then we would have to decide if we do it again, or not....

On the bright side, because there always is one, I have the best family and friends an girl could ask for. I have had meals, treats, babysitters, texts, and just the very best people in my life. I am always very private about myself and tend not to share. But it's impossible to manage all this and not tell people. We needed help. And it was so hard to ask for it, but I am so glad I did. Because it helps me realize how amazing people are. And how willing they are to help.

Feeling very blessed. And praying hourly that these three littles have at least one that survives.