Jul 29, 2017

Renae quits her job after 15 years

After many prayers, sleepless nights, anxious budgeting sessions, and long talks with my family, I have decided to leave my job at SAIF. I left my notice and will only work a few short weeks and then stay home with my three, almost four, amazing children.

Caleb and I contemplated this move before we bought the practice, but I knew that it would be easier for him if he didn't have to worry about the family budget. He's been rocking his practice for 7 months now, and he's still working his other job two days a week. We have done a great job saving money, paying off everything we can, and now it's time for me to quit.

I've had an amazing career and I'm very proud of all the things I was able to do in my 15 years. I worked to push programs and culture that others wanted. I was told no a lot, and I was told yes where it counted. I'm so proud of where SAIF has gone and all the great places I have been able to go.

My most recent trip was to Chicago to speak about our onsite medical clinic. I have had the opportunity to speak in California, Washington, Arizona, Florida, Washington DC, Boston, Chicago, and probably more places that I cannot remember. I was flown around the US to speak on behalf of SAIF but almost never paid by SAIF. Other companies would pay for my trip, and it was a win for our company and me personally. I love being a keynote speaker, and I was able to open and close many conferences. There is an absolute high when you deliver what you want to in a powerful way.

Now I plan to take my skills and work on them in a way that benefits me and my family more directly. The past few years I have worked tirelessly and long hours. Many of the projects I work on are important to me personally and keep me up at night and working on the weekends. Nobody makes me do it, it's just how I'm wired. I am rebuilding for the third time our onsite fitness center right now at SAIF. It won't open until long after I'm gone and I am driving myself crazy not being there and knowing how it's going. I've even made my poor family see the parts of the buildings that I've remodeled, and listen to my speaking engagements. I just turned down two this month so that I can stay home with my kids.

For some moms, they know immediately they cannot go back to work. Having a husband who was in school for 8 years was part of the reason I kept working. But honestly, I love what I do, and I'm good at it. I get a lot of satisfaction going to work. It's crazy hard to get my kids up and out the door in the morning. Especially when Caleb lived and worked in Medford all week, Calvin was 6 months old, and Shelby was 3. That kept going for two years, and I doubt if I ever missed a day of work.

I've never seen myself as a stay-at-home mom. Nothing against them, but it just wasn't something I thought I would be good at or want to do. After a treacherous morning getting the kids off to daycare, I get to work and the day flies by! It's 5:00 before I know it, and I'm running out the door to grab my kids. When I get home, I am always sad with how little time we have together as a family. We usually get home around 6, throw dinner together, maybe some homework, play outside, and go to bed. It's a fast paced life and days feel like minutes.

But I know this is the right move for me and my family. I don't know if I'll be good at it, or if I'll get the same exhilaration as a finished project. It's a huge leap of faith and not one that I take lightly. When my boss Shannon left over two years ago now, they made me the "Interim Vice President". All the extra money they paid me only made it worse. I never saw my family. I worked every weekend. And it was such a drastic change so quickly, that I told Caleb then that I knew my days were numbered. After we decided to buy his practice it took me longer than I thought. But now that I'm sick, pregnant, tired, nauseous, grumpy, swollen, and barely in my fourth month of this pregnancy, it's time to go!

Goodbye huge paychecks, see ya later free medical insurance for my entire family, hasta lavista paid retirement, and hello free market where we have to pay for all these things we have had for free. I get tons of vacation time, sick time, bonuses, oh my heck, let's change the subject. This is hard to leave, but I am doing it and trying not to look back.

If you see me in my pjs, it's Wednesday at 2 pm, and I'm at Walmart with four screaming kids, please don't say hello and just keep walking! Haha!

Jul 12, 2017

Healthy baby boy

We had our third ultrasound and this little boy is healthy and happy. He's growing like mad and is even sucking his thumb. It was so cute. What a huge relief. I also had the great blessing of morning sickness. I was so worried that I wasn't sick, and this last week that all changed. I've been sick as a dog in the afternoon and at night. It's not a good thing, but it is very reassuring. We are so blessed and starting to tell people now.

When I came home from the ultrasound I showed all three kids the pictures. They loved it. They are all very excited. Shelby is dying to know if it's a boy or a girl, but I didn't tell her yet. She wants a sister so bad that we didn't have the heart to tell her yet. When I was pregnant with Ronin we took both Calvin and Shelby into the ultrasound when they announced we were pregnant with a boy and Shelby broke down crying for hours. So this time I have to warm her up first.

Jul 6, 2017

Road trip to Utah

We went to Utah for our nephew Kasen's baptism in Logan. We got to see lots of family and stayed outside almost every day. It was 98 degrees most of the time, but it did cool down at night. It was so bloody hot! Luckily Jenny and Kurt have a pond in their backyard and the kids got to take the canoe out and go swimming to cool down. We also went to a really cool water park one day too.

Jun 26, 2017

Positive results

I had my first blood draw one week after the implantation and it was a positive test! That means the implantation stuck and we are officially pregnant. Two days later we did another blood draw to be sure the HCG levels were climbing, and they were!

Three weeks after that we got an ultrasound and saw the baby boys heartbeat. What an amazing thing to see and hear! The heart sounds great, he's growing as he should, and it all looks good. I am about seven weeks pregnant which is still the scary zone. I usually don't announce anything until 14 weeks if possible. 

I still get daily shots, sometimes twice a day. They continue to monitor my hormone levels. I also get this awesome enima that I get to use three times a day. I had no idea how messy and interesting that would be! I have to wear panty liners every day, all day. I went to the pool the other day with the kids and wore my swimsuit. I got home and noticed the liner wasn't in my swimsuit. I died! I talked to a bunch of people I know, walked around, and was feeling pretty good. I was wondering if anybody saw it fall out and just didn't tell me to save me from embarrassment. I went to take the garbage out later and found it in the garage. Whew! That was nearly disastrous. 

The joys of motherhood. You never know when you're going to pee yourself, or drop a pad on the floor! Reminds me of when my nursing pads used to fly out unexpectedly or milk would leak through my shirts. Just warming up here for more embarrassment! 

May 29, 2017

Transfer and implantation

On Thursday May 25 we had the transfer of the embryo. I have been a nervous wreck and hardly able to sleep for the last week. Caleb keeps saying very positive things about how excited he is. And I am very excited too. It's crazy to think that I could be pregnant right now. But I also have a lot of emotions on what will happen if it didn't take. The chances are better than 50/50, so that's good. And I want to be positive! So I keep acting like "unikitty" on the Lego movie, "stay positive, stay positive".

My darling sister went with me to the transfer. That morning I woke up early, cleaned the entire house like a crazy person, and then we headed to Portland. They gave me a valium which made me crazy tired. They did the fake transfer, it worked, and then the real transfer. The embryo thawed appropriately, which means it lived, and that was also something that I was super worried about. Not all of them make it through thawing but ours did!

I had to drink one liter of water 45 minutes before the transfer and not go to the bathroom. They did an ultrasound and I was too full. So they said to go pee one cup. And then stop. I've never done that before but it was so hard to stop! Holy smokes. Then after the transfer I had to lay down for 45 minutes and still not use the bathroom. When I could finally go, I thought I would burst!

After the bathroom, I had to lay down flat for two days. No standing, no sitting up, laying down as flat as I could for two days. The only time I could sit up was to use the bathroom. Rhoda came and stayed by my side. She made me lunch, fed my kids, talked to me, watched tv, whatever was needed. She's be sister in the world! Caleb was super busy with work and projects and funny enough, he didn't actually have to be there for this inception! As much as I love Caleb, sometimes I just want my sister around. And she was perfect.

Now I wait for one week and go in for blood work and we see if the embryo was able to implant where it was supposed to. I have to take it easy for this week, no exercise or anything too stressful to make sure it implants in the correct spot.

Lots of prayers and thoughts going through my head right now. For now we wait. Pass the time how we can. And just wait to see what happens.

Apr 17, 2017

And then there was one

I got a call today from the embryologist and only one of our embryos has cleared testing. One beautiful little boy who has all the DNA we need. One perfect little embryo who has made it through thick and thin and did everything he was supposed to. I am happy that it's more than zero.

And yet, I was really hoping for more than one. I think I pictured this difficult decision one day where I would have to chose the gender and ask myself hard questions like "how many do I implant?". When the doctor called I just cried. To go from 20 eggs to 12 to 6 to 3 to 1. Just doesn't seem like the odds are in our favor. I called Caleb right away and he is always trying to cheer me up. "Babe, one is better than zero. At least we have one! It's going to be ok". I know he's trying to cheer me up. But I worry about our odds since I've had a few miscarriages and difficulties in the past. I just hate the pressure of just one shot to get it right. And the doctor isn't sure how soon we can proceed because my blood count is still too low. I am still very anemic. They test me every week and I barely changed at all in one weeks time. I take these nasty iron pills, prenatal pills, I'm still basically on bed rest, and my blood count barely moved. Is this depressing or what? Sorry, I'm just in a sad place right now. But I'm not ungrateful and I do understand that we have on embryo and it could have been zero. I totally understand that. And I will be happy and excited and do everything I can to get ready for the big implantation time. But today I was just sad. Relieved it wasn't zero, but also sad that it's down to one. Praying and hoping that when the time comes, this little baby sticks! Literally.

Apr 6, 2017

New dental chairs and cabinet

This is the most exciting transformation yet. I mean, seriously, this before and after....crazy!!!

Most comfortable dental chair ever!

New cabinet and floors

Caleb needed stitching that reminded him of motorcycles

Old versus new doctors chair
Old cabinet

Old dental chairs

Side by side comparison of old versus new