And then there was one
I got a call today from the embryologist and only one of our embryos has cleared testing. One beautiful little boy who has all the DNA we need. One perfect little embryo who has made it through thick and thin and did everything he was supposed to. I am happy that it's more than zero.
And yet, I was really hoping for more than one. I think I pictured this difficult decision one day where I would have to chose the gender and ask myself hard questions like "how many do I implant?". When the doctor called I just cried. To go from 20 eggs to 12 to 6 to 3 to 1. Just doesn't seem like the odds are in our favor. I called Caleb right away and he is always trying to cheer me up. "Babe, one is better than zero. At least we have one! It's going to be ok". I know he's trying to cheer me up. But I worry about our odds since I've had a few miscarriages and difficulties in the past. I just hate the pressure of just one shot to get it right. And the doctor isn't sure how soon we can proceed because my blood count is still too low. I am still very anemic. They test me every week and I barely changed at all in one weeks time. I take these nasty iron pills, prenatal pills, I'm still basically on bed rest, and my blood count barely moved. Is this depressing or what? Sorry, I'm just in a sad place right now. But I'm not ungrateful and I do understand that we have on embryo and it could have been zero. I totally understand that. And I will be happy and excited and do everything I can to get ready for the big implantation time. But today I was just sad. Relieved it wasn't zero, but also sad that it's down to one. Praying and hoping that when the time comes, this little baby sticks! Literally.
And yet, I was really hoping for more than one. I think I pictured this difficult decision one day where I would have to chose the gender and ask myself hard questions like "how many do I implant?". When the doctor called I just cried. To go from 20 eggs to 12 to 6 to 3 to 1. Just doesn't seem like the odds are in our favor. I called Caleb right away and he is always trying to cheer me up. "Babe, one is better than zero. At least we have one! It's going to be ok". I know he's trying to cheer me up. But I worry about our odds since I've had a few miscarriages and difficulties in the past. I just hate the pressure of just one shot to get it right. And the doctor isn't sure how soon we can proceed because my blood count is still too low. I am still very anemic. They test me every week and I barely changed at all in one weeks time. I take these nasty iron pills, prenatal pills, I'm still basically on bed rest, and my blood count barely moved. Is this depressing or what? Sorry, I'm just in a sad place right now. But I'm not ungrateful and I do understand that we have on embryo and it could have been zero. I totally understand that. And I will be happy and excited and do everything I can to get ready for the big implantation time. But today I was just sad. Relieved it wasn't zero, but also sad that it's down to one. Praying and hoping that when the time comes, this little baby sticks! Literally.
Comments