Trying to make a baby
Caleb and I have been talking about another baby for the past year. I've had my heart set on adoption, but I don't know that we are ready for it. I've talked to the state programs, some international, attorneys, people who have adopted, and I just don't know that we can do it. I wish we could, and maybe someday it will come more naturally. But I've had a new idea lately.
Over Thanksgiving while I was in Utah, my cousin Jocelyn and I were talking about how hard it is for us to both get and stay pregnant. Lots of hardships, years and years of trying, and we've basically done everything possible except for IVF. So as we sat on the couch, I started calling around and found out that my insurance covers NONE of the cost. Of course. Thanks. Guess what, I'm the benefits manager too. You'd think I would get it covered, right? Well, I would never do that for personal gain. If it made sense for other and employees, then maybe, but not just for me. So I started looking into the costs. It's between $20- 30,000. That's a lot of money. But I have been saving for awhile and money that is not tied up in the practice or other family savings. That's my own personal stash that I thought we could use for adoption or something else.
So, after I got back from Utah, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I told Caleb all about it and he is all for it. What? Seriously? Ok, Caleb, the guy who was freaking out that I wanted a third child, now is totally game for a fourth? Yes! Change of heart? I don't know. I think once you have three you realize pretty quickly that life isn't about just yourself. And our kids really are the joy of our lives. We love them so very much. And three kids is a lot, but it's not too much. We feel like we are handling it pretty well and we really want to have a child closer in age to Ronin. There's a 4 1/2 year age gap between he and Calvin. Well, Ronin is already two and I'm not pregnant. So that's kind of a dumb reason, but don't tell me that right now because I want a baby!
We have prayed about it, gone to the temple, prayed more, fasted, cried, whatever couples have to do to determine if this is the right choice for us. I've never had a baby in a laboratory before. It sounds scary. And expensive. And not very romantic. I mean the best part is "trying", right? Well, we tried for three years after Calvin and actually I would disagree. "Trying" is not very fun at all. I went in for constant medications, lab tests, it was a mess. Everything was dictated and scheduled.
I've gone to multiple classes, and doctors appointments, and put a ton of money down on IVF. It looks like this old lady is going to try and sneak out one more kid. Is 38 too old to have a baby? To some, yes. To others, no. To each their own. I thought my sister was mad when she got married at 19 and had her first child 12 months later. She popped out 5 kids in no time. Now she's 39 and going to school to be a nurse. Her youngest is 9, and her oldest is on a mission. Here I am, one year younger than her, with a two year old in diapers and my oldest is 8. I got my bachelors degree when I was 21, and she was a mother of two. Which path is better? Both are. We both have supported each other to live our own lives. Very different, and very similar. I fully support her being a nurse and I love her children as my own. Sometimes more than my own, don't tell my kids.
Wish us luck. Pray for us. Call us crazy. It's all good. We love to hear honesty in this house. The worst thing someone can do is tell you what they think you want to hear. Tell us your honest feedback or impressions. That's what we love. Even if you call us crazy. Because we are a little nuts.
Over Thanksgiving while I was in Utah, my cousin Jocelyn and I were talking about how hard it is for us to both get and stay pregnant. Lots of hardships, years and years of trying, and we've basically done everything possible except for IVF. So as we sat on the couch, I started calling around and found out that my insurance covers NONE of the cost. Of course. Thanks. Guess what, I'm the benefits manager too. You'd think I would get it covered, right? Well, I would never do that for personal gain. If it made sense for other and employees, then maybe, but not just for me. So I started looking into the costs. It's between $20- 30,000. That's a lot of money. But I have been saving for awhile and money that is not tied up in the practice or other family savings. That's my own personal stash that I thought we could use for adoption or something else.
So, after I got back from Utah, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I told Caleb all about it and he is all for it. What? Seriously? Ok, Caleb, the guy who was freaking out that I wanted a third child, now is totally game for a fourth? Yes! Change of heart? I don't know. I think once you have three you realize pretty quickly that life isn't about just yourself. And our kids really are the joy of our lives. We love them so very much. And three kids is a lot, but it's not too much. We feel like we are handling it pretty well and we really want to have a child closer in age to Ronin. There's a 4 1/2 year age gap between he and Calvin. Well, Ronin is already two and I'm not pregnant. So that's kind of a dumb reason, but don't tell me that right now because I want a baby!
We have prayed about it, gone to the temple, prayed more, fasted, cried, whatever couples have to do to determine if this is the right choice for us. I've never had a baby in a laboratory before. It sounds scary. And expensive. And not very romantic. I mean the best part is "trying", right? Well, we tried for three years after Calvin and actually I would disagree. "Trying" is not very fun at all. I went in for constant medications, lab tests, it was a mess. Everything was dictated and scheduled.
I've gone to multiple classes, and doctors appointments, and put a ton of money down on IVF. It looks like this old lady is going to try and sneak out one more kid. Is 38 too old to have a baby? To some, yes. To others, no. To each their own. I thought my sister was mad when she got married at 19 and had her first child 12 months later. She popped out 5 kids in no time. Now she's 39 and going to school to be a nurse. Her youngest is 9, and her oldest is on a mission. Here I am, one year younger than her, with a two year old in diapers and my oldest is 8. I got my bachelors degree when I was 21, and she was a mother of two. Which path is better? Both are. We both have supported each other to live our own lives. Very different, and very similar. I fully support her being a nurse and I love her children as my own. Sometimes more than my own, don't tell my kids.
Wish us luck. Pray for us. Call us crazy. It's all good. We love to hear honesty in this house. The worst thing someone can do is tell you what they think you want to hear. Tell us your honest feedback or impressions. That's what we love. Even if you call us crazy. Because we are a little nuts.
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